Passionless

What happens when the very thing that you are supposed to be best suited for is the very last thing you want to do anymore?

I am a teacher. I have always been a teacher. From the time I was young, I had no problem instructing my brothers what to do and how to do it. I have taught children and adults. I have taught them most anything. It doesn’t matter what the subject as long as I have a little knowledge in it. I try to be creative but more importantly give them a chance to succeed or fail on their own. Sounds like I have my career cut out for me, right?

I have been teaching steadily for about 12 years. I have substituted for elementary school, taught 3rd grade, instructed teachers and adults on the internet and web site design. I still teach at a community college teaching web design. I teach my children, ages 4 and 11 months, throughout the day on various subjects. I try to make every possible opportunity a teachable moment. Sounds like I’m happy with what I do, right?

The sad part about all this is that I’m not happy with what I do. I’m not as patient as I used to be with my students, the administration is providing their fair share of obstacles and I am just plain bored with the subject matter. I love coding web pages with html and css. Yes I’m a bit of a geek, but I do enjoy it. What I am not enjoying is passing this information on to the next generation.

What I need is a kick in the pants. What I need is change. But what do I change? Do I change location? Do I change subject matters? Do I stop teaching all together and find something else to do? Hmmm.

I love being home with my kids, but as any stay at home mom will tell you, if she doesn’t get at least some time to do what she wants to do the quality of her work will suffer. I desperately want to get my passion back, but I am finding it hard to figure out what is the best thing to do. I have some time before the next semester starts. I’ll let you know what I decide. Until then, I will imerse myself in my children and learning the piano. Maybe being the student for a change will open my eyes to something I was missing.

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